STUDY FINDS Declining Australian birth rate may or may not be attributed to $7 lattes and absolutely insufferable men
BY: Kartya Vucetic
Australia’s fertility rate is on track to hit a record low this year, a development experts say is likely due to a complex mix of economic pressure, housing unaffordability, and Sydney men who refer to themselves as “high value” while living in a sharehouse with a broken dishwasher.
According to new data, Australians are now having fewer children than ever before, falling well below the replacement rate of 2.1. It may suggest the nation has collectively decided that bringing a child into the world feels ambitious when a carton of eggs costs $9 and your boyfriend has a podcast.
We both know this is what your boyfriend looks like | Image: NBCUniversal
While economists continue to point to factors like stagnant wages, insecure work and the rising cost of childcare, many locals believe the issue is less structural and more…vibes-based.
“Financially, it’s tough”, said one inner-west woman from Chippendale, speaking from a café where a long black now costs $6.80. “But it’s also hard to picture raising a child with someone who thinks ‘helping’ means asking where things go”.
Alyssa (pictured) has decided becoming asexual might just be easier | Image: Freepik
In Sydney particularly, the fertility decline has coincided with a noticeable increase in men explaining how they “crave depth” yet refuse unpack a single childhood memory.
Demographers have not yet confirmed a direct link, but researchers note fertility rates dip slightly every time a man assures his date that he’s done the work, only before revealing said ‘work’ was one therapy session back in 2019.
At press time, experts confirmed the nation’s birth rate is expected to continue falling until either housing becomes affordable, wages increase meaningfully, or Sydney men stop describing fatherhood as something they’ll “circle back to after Europe”.
