THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS Lower North Shore man forced to cancel Saint Haven membership after realising he can only afford three weeks in Europe this year
BY: Kartya Vucetic
In a brutal reminder that the cost-of-living crisis is sparing absolutely no one, a Lower North Shore man has today made the devastating decision to cancel his Saint Haven membership after discovering he may only be able to afford three weeks in Europe this year.
The man, who is believed to own several Loro Piana shirts, reportedly received the news during a difficult conversation this week with his ex-Aloysius buddy, who now doubles as his accountant.
“It’s obviously not where we thought we’d be at this stage of the year,” he said, gazing across spitting views of the harbour. “It’s those bloody capital gains changes, I tell you,” he continues to explain.
“We’ve all had to tighten our belts. Some people are cutting back on takeaway coffees. I’m cutting back on bio-hacking and contrast therapy.”
Sources close to the family say the decision was not made lightly, with emergency talks held over a $38 salad and sparkling oxygenated water in a venue with a neutral-toned fit-out.
“At the end of the day, it came down to priorities,” the man continued. “Do we spend three full weeks across Italy, Greece and the south of France, or do I keep sweating in a beautiful room with other men?”
After several tense discussions, the family is understood to have settled on a “modest” 21-day European itinerary. At press time, the man was reportedly telling friends he’s “basically not travelling this year.”
Editor’s Note: This piece is satirical and intended for humour.
