People discover the colour red just in time for Melbourne Cup. Nicky Hilton tries to bring back the peplum top. And another Temu scandal...

Love it or hate it, nobody can deny that Melbourne Cup is still one of the biggest days on the national calendar. And while it’s not hosted directly here in Sydney, it might as well be known as Australia’s corporate hall pass to stop work for the day and spend your weekly earnings on a losing bet.

What’s the Birdcage?

Image: Racenet

Now, you might catch the average local punter at the Royal Randwick, Ryan’s Bar or some schmoozy restaurant with workmates. However, everyone knows that down in Melbourne, the real fun starts in the Birdcage. It’s the uber exclusive, Black Mirror-esque quartered off sections strictly reserved for Melbourne’s elite.

As expected, this year was no different.

To be frank, the Birdcage puts every influencer soirée that has come before it to shame. This year, we were even treated to special guests Nicky Hilton and Liz Hurley, who travelled all the way down under for the event.

Like I said, we’re working with an absolute smorgasbord here.

Now onto the fashion…

Before we hand out any awards, we can’t help but address the elephant in the room. It appears that a large portion of socialites and upper echelon goers have discovered the colour red for the first time. And not only have they discovered it, but they’ve fully committed to the bit and worn exclusively said colour. Do they know something I don’t?! It’s seriously a lot, but I low key love it.

On this basis, we can’t help but award best dressed to none other than Kate Waterhouse. The classic Versace midi, matching headscarf and cat eye sunglasses is seriously giving 1940s Italian film star vibes. Classic, sexy, and I’m actually obsessed. Her family basically run the races, so there’s no surprise the pressure was on for her to nail this.

Kate Waterhouse giving serious Italian film star vibes

Special mentions also go to Olivia Molly Rogers, and by default Samantha Armytage, who wore the Temu version of it. Let’s hope I don’t get cancelled again this time for it. Sylvia Jeffreys also looks like the cutest little Barbie doll. Hot take, but we also love that Storm Keating went very against the grain in a 2000’s-esque look that takes me straight back to my Gossip Girl watching days. All of you, 10/10.

I’m sorry, I said what I said

Now onto the real fun. Tayla Broad would have been on my winner list had it not been for those stupid bloody gloves. And while Nicky Hilton looks great, I’m not a fan. I don’t care she’s a Hilton wearing a custom Rebecca Vallance, anyone trying to bring back a peplum top is public enemy number one. Jessie Murphy’s clearly just returned from Turkey. And Mia Hawkswell is obviously heading to her mother in law’s BBQ after this.

Come on guys, you’re making my job too easy. You’ve at the most exclusive party in town on one of the biggest days in the calendar. It’s time to step the fuck up.