SCREAMING AND CRYING

The best, the worst, and the outright fucking outrageous looks from this year’s Met Gala

It’s happening, IT’S OFFICIALLY HAPPENING PEOPLE. Christmas, Easter and the New Year combined couldn’t possibly top the calendar moment that is the Met Gala. And it’s finally here.

Year on year, I’ve been that annoying friend who yaps on about the event to a group of friends who definitely do not care about it. This year? I’m getting paid to make you all my victims for the next eight minutes it will take to read this. So strap in, and get ready for some very serious fashion commentary.

Firstly, I’ll start by not explaining the Met Gala. If you don’t know what it is already, I really can’t help you. What I will tell you, however, is that this year’s theme is Superfine: Tailoring Black Style, which goes hand-in-hand with The Met’s Spring exhibition which will celebrate the history of Black fashion and dandyism.

Aside from celebrating an often overlooked period of fashion history, what I also love about this theme is the fact that Anna Wintour has specifically put every white celebrity in attendance into quite the predicament as to how to dress accordingly without getting absolutely ripped on the internet for cultural appropriation. Honestly, it’s a little funny. On top of that, previous commentary that people were starting to underdress on the evening (cue Kim Kardashian’s stupid cardigan last year), it’s clear that something needed to be spelled out a little more obviously for certain people on the guest list.

But in all seriousness, the pre-carpet chatter was to expect a lot of beautiful tailoring. Think structured suits and bold silhouettes. And let me tell you, this might be the first time in years that guests FINALLY got the memo.

Let’s start with none other than Zendaya…

Zendaya and her close stylist Law Roach have been known to basically run the Met Gala for quite some time. Now, don’t get me wrong, she looks absolutely stunning. It’s on theme, it’s chic, we 100% love. But Zendaya has become so well known for some pretty wild fits, so I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t even just a little bit disappointed she’s played it so safe this year.

Lowkey I’m also surprised she ended up going for another statement hat given she’s literally becoming a meme on the internet right now for that stupid one she wore that one time back in 2014. LOL.

Another safe but STUNNING look was served by…

None other than Nicole Kidman, of course. Seriously, this lady looks absolutely spectacular, and I need that dress on my body immediately. It’s still very much on theme, but maybe not as wild as some of her peers might go. Then again, it’s Nicole Kidman, so we’re not necessarily surprised. Either way, I give this an 8/10.

Who does our best dressed award go to?

It should come as no surprise that we’re popping a few people into this category. Why? Because I make the rules, that’s why. First up on this list is our sweet fairy princess queen, Sabrina Carpenter. AMAZING. On theme, on brand, and on point. Honestly, I have no notes. This outfit looks so her, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if she waltzed on stage for her own tour in it. My favourite part is the smug look on her face knowing that ex-boy Barry Keoghan will spot her in this moment.

Next up on the list is the Diana Ross. That’s right, after a 20 year hiatus from the evening, the 81-year old American singer and actress decided it was time once again to make her latest debut, and in doing so she also reminded us as to why we should respect our elders. I really have no words for this look. How you can be in your literal eighties and serving this level of cunt should honestly be studied for decades to come. She came, she saw, and my god did Diana Ross conquer.

Another absolute cracker has to go to Walton Goggins because OKAY king. Seriously, I swear I’ve been seeing this guy everywhere since White Lotus Season 3, and I’m not mad about it. My favourite moment is when men decide to do more than just wear a plain black suit to red carpets. ESPECIALLY when the theme is plain black suit. This truly is deserving of the word iconic.

Last, but certainly not least, we have our queen Alicia Keys. How one can wear something that looks so sharp yet also kind of like a doona I want to crawl into is quite impressive. The colour?! The matchy matchy with Swizz Beatz?! This was a serious serve. I think it was so easy to go for a beautifully tailored black suit for this year’s theme, so I’m heavily appreciating those who opted for more standout colours.

Now onto the hot people who could get away with wearing anything…

It’s no secret that the Met Gala truly can be a thermometer to directly measure how hot you are. If you miss the theme even in the slightest, and you aren’t Sydney Sweeney, you can pretty much be prepared to be savagely blasted by Gen Z puritans on TikTok.

So I guess props to Sydney Sweeney, who definitely wasn’t really all that on theme, but no one really cared because she still looked really fucking hot. Same theory applies to Pamela Anderson and Gigi Hadid. They weren’t glaringly off brand, but they didn’t exactly wear a suit at the behest of Anna Wintour.

Now to Kimmy…

It’s no surprise that Kim Kardashian is almost always the most talked about person prior to entering the Met Gala red carpet. This woman dedicates MONTHS of work to look good for it. And by work, we really mean starving herself so she fits into a stupidly small corset.

Honestly, I feel like she’s started to do the same thing in a different font each year. Tiny corset, tiny waist, you know what I mean? And while she obviously looks unreal each year, there’s another part of me that wishes she did something even slightly surprising. Besides, there’s nothing you can say that will convince me that anything can top her 2019 Camp Mugler dress. Nothing.

I’ve got to give it to her, the Chrome Hearts leather look is kind of a moment. And it’s the first time she’s done the hat recently, so maybe that’s Kimmy’s version of stepping out of her comfort zone. Idk. Still, I feel like I’ve seen it before. This will for sure be up on Princess Polly by the end of the week.

Here’s who I’m not loving so much…

Okay, now to the fun part. My first victim is Hailey Bieber. Words cannot describe how much I hate Hailey Bieber’s outfit. BABE, did you realise THE MET GALA was today?! Like, what?! I dressed up more for my Nan’s 80th birthday for Christ sake (maybe without the stripper heels, that is). I feel like there’s something lowkey arrogant about people who score a ticket to the Met Gala, just to put basically zero effort into their outfit. If you can’t tell, I’m really not a fan.

On that sentiment, I’m also not sold on Kylie Jenner’s look. I find her Met Gala fits often polarising, and they’re usually a hit or miss with people. I also don’t even know how to exactly pinpoint what I don’t like about it. Maybe there’s too much going on? Maybe not enough? Where is her belly button? My brain is hurting.

And thirdly, I hate to put her in this category (I really do), but Aimee Lou Wood’s look is also not one of my favourites from the evening. I know the poor girl’s been having a rough time since that dicky SNL skit, but babe, please, pick one thing. I’m all for going all out at the Met Gala, but that doesn’t have to mean you choose every silhouette and accessory you possibly can. I’m crying while I write this. In her defence, I think it’s the shoes that are throwing me off more than anything else.

Honourable mentions…

If you’re tired from listening to me, can you imagine how my brain feels? I swear I’m nearly done. To wrap things up nicely, let’s round up some other favourite looks from the night that might not have made it to the top of the list, but still get some serious props.

First and foremost, Lorde – slay. I don’t know when she had the time in between the release of her album and the Met Gala to plan this fit, but it’s seriously a moment. You can’t really tell by this picture, but her bandeau top is basically floating in mid air. And now that concentrated look on her face kind of makes sense, this poor girl is trying to avoid an international nip slip.

And to top it off, Sarah Snook, I SEE you. It’s royal, nay, it’s regal. Seriously. It’s giving Succession if it were set in the Victorian era. We love an on brand queen.

Okay, you can close this page down now. I’m officially clocking off from fashion’s biggest day of the year. There’s been laughter, there’s been joy, there’s been tears. All by me, of course. Sayonara and until next time, being Australian Fashion Week, which all kicks off next Monday. Until then.