GAGGED The countdown to Married at First Sight season 12 has begun and ‘outlets’ are already gagging for your attention. We rank order the players spilling the best tea.

BY: David J Lawrence

It’s that time of year again when Australia’s highest rating reality TV show kicks off for another season and fuck, what are we at now? Season 12 apparently? That makes twelve years this little franchise has been on screens making us laugh, cry and seriously cringe.
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. It’s time to gird your loins, because Married At First Sight season 12 is officially less than one week away.
Whether you love it, or love to hate it, there’s no denying that when it comes to the world of MAFS, shit rates well. Ben and Ellie’s wedding alone last year had a total national reach of 2.3 million viewers. It’s almost as if we collectively lose our shit for three months, solely to see whether a few wannabe influencers really can find everlasting love with each other.
Newsflash: they don’t.
Honestly, we’d be lying if we said we weren’t chomping at the bit for next Monday night. And it appears we’re not the only ones, either. According to OzTam’s 7 day VOZ figures, the episode of MAFS which aired on February 21 last year had a reach of 3,041,000. The show had a total TV national audience of 2,109,000, and a BVOD viewership of 724,000. That’s a lot of reach. It’s also the reason why every ‘outlet’ is keen to piggyback on the ratings juggernaut that is the MAFS beast.
But in a sea of total bullshit, rejoice! Your prayers have been answered! Because on top of us giving it a red hot crack for ourselves this season, we’re rank ordering where to get all the best MAFS tea. Let the fun begin and Notices of Concern be issued.
1. The Daily Mail
The reigning and undefeated heavyweight champion of all things MAFS has to be The Daily Mail. What was once the domain of Woman’s Day and New Idea, responsible for breaking the big exclusives and early cast reveals, is now undoubtedly the territory of The Mail.
Their success in recent years is likely due to one very dedicated reporter, Ali Daher, who, during the production period each year, literally sets up camp across the road from the ‘MAFS hotel’ filming location at Green Square. He essentially becomes a daily fixture in the lives of the new contestants. He can be found there each day sitting in his shitbox old red Toyota Corolla, idling away the hours waiting for the cast to appear.

Ali is so well-known in MAFS circles that he is on a first-name basis with production staff, and it’s rumoured that even executive producer Tara McWilliams has a soft spot for him. Ali is so ingrained in the MAFS ecosystem to the point where his coverage can literally make or break the new contestants’ debut in the public eye. Little wonder each year The Mail produces some of the best exclusives. And with a huge budget to buy photos from the paps, you can be sure they will be delivering up some juicy MAFS content again this year.
What to expect: Exclusives, exclusives and more exclusives. Let’s just hope it’s not behind that new fucking paywall. They also have a WhatsApp MAFS Channel in case you didn’t know.
Rating 9.9/10
2. So Dramatic! Podcast
Editor’s Note: So Dramatic! is not affiliated with this outlet.
Coming in a close and contentious second place is So Dramatic!, owned and hosted by Megan Pustetto. With a podcast launched in July 2020 and a website around August 2021, this outlet has amassed a loyal following of Karens known as the ‘Drama Army’. It arguably runs a close second to The Daily Mail, with exclusive breaking stories and constant MAFS coverage.

On the issue of ‘exclusives’, rumour has it there’s a bit of argy bargy rivalry between the two outlets. Little old us has heard that both sides’ lawyers have fired off more than the odd ‘cease and desist’ letter over the years. We won’t get into who fired the first shot, but sounds like some good content for a podcast episode? Stay tuned.
Unlike the Daily Mail, this outlet does not ‘chase’ contestants during the production period. Instead, they rely heavily on tips coming in from various sources. This includes many a disgruntled contestant going rogue, or a pissed off former partner that just learnt their ex is going to be on national television. Every year we watch and wait to see which bride or groom will be Megan’s bitch for the season, and this year there’s already more than one primed and ready to cut loose on the cast.
However, the outlet is not without its controversies. A number of former MAFS contestants, such as season 5 groom, Dean Wells, has previously taken to Youtube to callout So Dramatic for being ‘fake woke’.
Then last year, Pustetto found herself before a magistrate after breaching a Police-issued AVO for the protection of another reality contestant, Dannii Erskine (who appeared in the 2019 season of Bride & Prejudice).
Some argue Pustetto goes too far digging into the lives of the people she reports on, merely to stir up trolls. But perhaps she’s just giving her audience exactly what they want? Either way, she’s hustled her way to the top of the list with her ‘call out culture’ approach to ‘spilling tea’, and we have to hand it to her. This girl and her team work hard.
While there’s more than a dash of ‘Megan’ infused in each episode, if you can get past the banal self promotion, it’s actually entertaining listening.
What to expect: Heaps of ‘tea spilling’ and ‘keeping receipts’ and a letter from the lawyers.
Rating 9.8/10
3. MAFSfunny
Sliding into third place is not a major outlet, but instead a simple Instagram account with a cult following. Run by author and former YouTuber, Josh Fox, the account fires up every season as MAFS goes into production. Started in 2018 as the first, solely MAFS-focused social account, Fox can claim he is the OG from which spawned a number of copycat accounts as the popularity of MAFS grew.

Considered the Ferris Bueller of reality TV, Fox has a strong following of MAFS fans. Some include former contestants sharing a love for his lighthearted piss takes and clever memes. No one spots a trend faster than Fox, and it’s rumoured that contestants are just itching to be roasted by him…after all, clout is clout.

Like Daily Mails’ Ali Daher, Fox gets out on the ground during the production cycle (in fact, he also once worked at Daily Mail doing what Daher now does). He films content for his Insta and TikTok account which, according to sources, even the producers find funny.
What to expect: You never know what to expect from Fox. Nevertheless, you can be sure it’s hilarious, original and witty.
Rating: 9.5/10
4. Yahoo!
A rising star! For a couple of years now, Yahoo! has been producing some great MAFS content. Recaps, interviews and juicy, breaking stories with pap photos. They’re already off to a flying start this season, having broken the story on Melbourne mates Jeff and Rhi’s past connection.
As a reasonably new player in the MAFS ecosystem, they are taking their fair share of the market. Our spidey senses suspect they’ll rise the ranks even further this coming season.
What to expect: Deep dives and solid breaking stories.
Rating: 9.4/10
5. NEWS.com.au – Home of the James Weir Recap
In the grand theatre of reality television, where love is a rollercoaster and drama reigns supreme, the illustrious James Weir steps forth. A journalist whose pen dances across the pages like a caffeinated bee flitting from bloom to bloom. With a wit sharper than a scorned bride’s tongue, he has turned the humble recap into a high art form, deftly intertwining clever puns and poetic observations, as if he were Shakespeare’s long-lost bard turned television critic.

With a flair for the dramatic that rivals the show itself, Weir’s recaps are not just an account of who said what to whom; they are deliciously crafted sonnets that bring hilarity and insight to the often ludicrous world of televised romance. Like a knight in shining armour girded solely with his keyboard, James Weir rides valiantly into the fray, slaying clichés. He delivers doses of much-needed humour, reminding us all that while love may be blind, his keen observations are anything but!
What to expect: If you love recaps consider these crucial, urgent and necessary.
Rating: 8/10
6. The Wash
If Ali Daher is the King Of MAFS and Megan Pustetto is the Queen of MAFS then The Wash would be their love child!
Also owned by the publisher of this outlet, The Wash literally came out of nowhere in July 2020. It became an overnight sensation, amassing a loyal following of devoted reality TV fans with coverage of The Bachelor, Bachelorette and Married at First Sight.
The Wash was the first of its kind in Australia to go reality TV niche (yes, we have also heard of Reality Ravings). It’s the brainchild of former Woman’s Day journo and ACA producer, Jonica Bray, along with some shady dude that was once punched in the face by Taylor Swift’s dad. Funnily enough, even Megan Pustetto worked there before the inception of So Dramatic.
As the story goes: Pustetto wanted too big a piece of the pie, so went off to start her own reality TV podcast. The timing could not have been better, according to Bray, with Joshua Fox then signed on as Editor. The site took off, and for a couple of years was the primary destination for lovers of reality TV. That is, until the axing of The Bachelor and Bachelorette, and the team started to lose interest.
The Wash might now be all but washed up, but it fires up each MAFS season on its socials for some juicy tea spilling and funny memes. Despite its seasonal content, The Wash is still a main player in the MAFS ecosystem, with surprisingly strong engagement and a solid 91K followers.
What to expect: Collabs with So Sydney.
Rating: 7.5/10
7. MAFSgossip
This Instagram account run by Daily Mail reporter, Ali Daher, started in December 2020 and currently has 96K followers. While Daher uses the account to promote his Daily Mail stories, there’s also a bunch of material there that never makes it to press (for one reason or another).

Some of the best material is the behind the scenes content, where Ali gives you a glimpse of what it’s like to be ‘on the job’. It’s quickly apparent just how close he gets to the stars, and obvious the relationships he develops continue long after the season has ended.
Then there was THAT Bronte (season 10) post, that proved she knew Harrison Boon before going on the show. That really magnified the lengths some contestants will go to control the narrative.
It’s likely this account will climb the ladder next season if Daher keeps the good stuff coming.
What to expect: Breaking stories, leaked storylines and contestants going rogue.
Rating: 7/10
8. MAFSuncensored
This account, run by Melbourne-based sisters Sophie and Louise Sigalas, has grown steadily over the last two years since its inception in August 2022. Currently, they have 53K followers on Instagram.
The sisters also have a Facebook group under the same name with 57K followers, which is renowned for its Gogglebox-style live commentary during the show. It seems the group is not a fan of So Dramatic, with its group rule number 8 being: ‘No So Dramatic links : Members posting links to So Dramatic will be deleted and blocked’.
Oh la la! We’d like to know more about that drama, but suspect there’s probably an overlap of followers named Karen or Kelli that own small yappy dogs and spend a lot of time window shopping at Lululemon while downing Big Gulp Mountain Dew.

What to expect: Cheeky commentary during the show and apparently uncensored posts.
Rating: 6.5/10 – mainly for the FB group.
9. Woman’s Day & New Idea Magazine
Once ‘the’ only place for the big exclusives, these old ladies of print cannot compete in a digital world where the likes of the mighty Daily Mail deliver daily, if not hourly, updates.
Since the departure of editor and group publisher, Fiona Connolly, in December 2022, the mags just haven’t had the same chutzpah. They now mostly play it safe with Nine-approved ‘official’ meet the cast kind of coverage along with some tried and tested ”how much are MAFS stars actually paid’ come ‘all the stars still together’ kinda stories. Riveting stuff.
Unfortunately, these women’s interest mastheads were late to the party, apparently deprioritising the upgrading of their digital assets for fear of losing their few remaining print readers? We are speculating a bit on that, of course. But you have to wonder why they don’t just accept their fate and put all their efforts into their websites. Or at least freshen up that horrible Now to Love website (silly name for a website). Perhaps someone’s Nanna still likes to hold a magazine when they go to the salon for a blue rinse. Harsh but true.
That said, if last year is anything to go by, they can still pull a rabbit out of a hat every so often. Cue the juicy pap set of last season’s Ellie and Jono’s beach betrayal. Let’s hope there’s a few bucks left in the kitty over at ARE for the next big spoiler, because god only knows Nan’s hair is turning yellow again and she already has enough baked good recipes to see her through to the end.

What to expect: We live in hope of a well-timed juicy exclusive.
Rating 5/10
10. Mamamia
Confronting! They are really into issues, issues and more issues. It doesn’t matter what the issue is, but if there is an issue, they are really into it. The champions of discussing the big issues like ‘gaslighting’, which we can all agree is relevant and necessary. Is it any wonder MAFS provides this outlet with a never ending source of issues to write about, or talk about on one of their infinite podcasts?

One of their favourite go-to headlines starts with ‘We need to talk about’ [insert relevant and necessary big issue]. They are also very much into ‘redemption arcs’ and giving you ‘everything you need to know’. Unsurprisingly, their headlines are a bit same same as New Idea, with ‘how much reality stars get paid’ and ‘all the couples still together’ being the two annual revival pieces. Mamamia is probably what New Idea and Woman’s Day could have been if they’d embraced the digital world sooner. All concerned will be hating this remark.
What to expect: Recaps with poor attempts at humour. Lots of relevant and necessary discussions on the big issues.
Rating: 4.5/10
11. Pedestrian TV
Somewhere along the way, Ped went woke. And not in a good way. More like in the way where you convince your Nan that gay people don’t actually go to hell, so she decides to start wearing a rainbow pin and befriending every gay person she meets. It just has that performative tinge, ya know?
No but seriously, what can you expect when you exclusively hire Millennials to write for an exclusively Gen Z audience? It’s like a Boomer learning how to use an iPhone for the first time. Embarrassing, cringeworthy and outright unnecessary. Side note: would someone please stop outlining celebrities with a fucking highlighter?!
Expect more of the same this season, with some dull pick up from insta and a lot of ‘according to Daily Mail or So Dramatic”. This is lowkey ironic given they’re literally owned by Channel 9, so you’d think they’d at least be giving us something new to read.
What to expect: Lots of OMFGs, WTFs and other grossly peppy brainrot.
Rating: 4/10
12. Chattr
There’s a bit of chatter behind Chattr. Owned by Trent Thomas, the former managing director and publisher of media trade publication, Mediaweek. This outlet first registered in 2016, appears to have been placed on the back burner until early 2023. Since then, they’ve kicked it up a notch and started knocking out daily content, with a strong emphasis on entertainment news and reality TV.
With all that being said, what in the Canva template is seriously going on here. Scrolling this Instagram feels like I’ve been transported back to 2010, or a time where Comic Sans wasn’t used ironically. It is so soulless my brain actually hurts. Sorry.
What to expect: Some aged graphics and ‘according to Daily Mail’.
Rating: 3/10

So, kids, there you fucking have it. And WOW, I am actually exhausted. Our who’s who in the zoo guide should hopefully tide you over for this season, but we can’t wait to see how it all really unfolds. All I’ll say is thank god for MAFS, because without it, we’d seriously be deprived of some erudite, transparent and ethical journalism.