BREAKING NEWS Worst person you’ve ever met just touched down in exotic European location
BY: Kartya Vucetic
In breaking international news, the worst person you’ve ever met has officially touched down in the Mediterranean. And no, they’re not being quiet about it.
Despite being objectively unbearable in every measurable way, the individual, who perhaps is best known for interrupting people to say “that’s actually so me”, has begun posting a curated stream of gelato, linen, and sunset spritzes.
Pictured: said Instagram story
The announcement was made via a blurry Instagram story, featuring a boarding pass held over an airport lounge bubbles, captioned: “It begins 🇪🇺🧿“
Local reports confirm they have since uploaded four reels, twelve grid posts, and 37 consecutive stories. Most include shaky footage of beach clubs set to Pitbull remixes.
Meanwhile, you (a relatively normal person) are at home in an Oodie, hunched under a Kmart Anko heater that smells vaguely like burning plastic and an outrageous quarterly electricity bill. You’ve just reheated a My Muscle Chef curry you didn’t like the last time you bought it, and are now hate-watching their content out of something loosely resembling spite.
Image: the curry in question
You don’t follow them, of course (you just search their name daily out of principle).
Authorities warn the trip is unlikely to end soon, with early intel suggesting they’ve also booked Croatia, Berlin, and “a bit of Greece, just to reset.” Experts say the posts will continue for at least six weeks, or until “Sydney weather is finally bearable again”.
More to come.
