The Hare Krishnas ruin my Christmas at Bondi Beach again. Fuckers.

Ah, Christmas, a time for joy, merriment, and family gatherings. But amidst the serene beachfront setting of Bondi Beach, there lurks a group that never fails to put a damper on my holiday spirit – the Hare Krishnas. They are such a painfully happy bunch of mungbeans, spreading love and light from Hall Street to Bondi Beach as they chant and shake their tambourines. It’s easy to get caught up in all that happy-happy-joy-joy to the point where you want to join that conga line and march on down to the beach with your best blissful face.

Sadly, hundreds did on Christmas Day, while I stood on the sidelines, rolling my eyes. Every year, like clockwork, this enchanting group gathers at Bondi Beach, making it their spiritual playground, much to the chagrin of locals expecting a day of relaxation and fun. The Hare Krishnas, with their bright robes and infectious enthusiasm, tug at the heartstrings of unsuspecting beachgoers, promising a taste of spiritual enlightenment. But not me. Oh no, I’ll pass on their invitation to “find inner peace.” As I awkwardly maneuver my beach towel, attempting to find a spot free of their enchanting rhythm, the Hare Krishnas dance their way through the crowd, spreading their message of love and eternal happiness. It’s as if they collectively emit an aura of enlightenment that leaves everyone around them in awe. Well, everyone except for me. Amidst their rhythmic tambourines and vibrant chants, the Hare Krishnas manage to turn Bondi Beach into a spiritual battleground. They weave in and out of beach umbrellas, blissfully oblivious to the frustrated gazes darting their way. It’s as if they have claimed some divine right to disrupt the idyllic scenery with their overzealous displays of devotion.

Their unwavering commitment awakening their chakras is commendable, but perhaps they could be a tad more considerate of those who seek a quieter, less tambourine-induced Christmas experience. So, as the Hare Krishnas once again taint the tranquility of Bondi Beach with their joyful tambourines and incessant chants, I stand firm in my decision to remain untouched by their infectious happiness. While others may find solace in joining their conga line down to the shore, I’ll settle for a Christmas that doesn’t involve an impromptu conversion. Oh, joy to the world indeed.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this editorial are purely satirical and meant for humorous purposes only. No offense or disrespect is intended towards the Hare Krishnas or any other individuals mentioned.

Look at all these happy people having a good time and enjoying themselves. Credit: Chris Huang Photography