SO HOITY TOITY! The big red bows of Christmas past present and future return to the doors of Bourke Street.

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Behold Bourkonians! Christmas is here and the big red bows of Bourke Street have made a triumphant return to the doors of those lovely terraces just across the road from The Carrington. They are back and they are joyous if not a tad pretentious.

I remember the first year they appeared. I was fetching my morning piccolo from the bakery back when the coffee was good (it’s become too milky in recent times in my opinion) when I couldn’t help but notice that big red bow across the street. First one and then a couple of days later a second one appeared next door. First impressions were a mix of awe and outrage. How fucking dare they adorn their doors with such fervour when every other house in the street is adorned with a mix of Bunnings Christmas lights and a bit of tinsel.

I wonder how one fixes one of those giant bows to one’s door. Does the bow go completely around the inside of the door or is it just stapled at the top, bottom and sides? I’ve even considered the complexities of fastening one of those bastards to the door of my pokey two bedder down the road at the mews. Strata would send out the lynch mob of Karens that seem to govern all things within common areas so not really an option.

You have to wonder what kind of person lives behind a door with such a cheery neat knot. Of the many times I’ve walked past never once have I seen the owner come or go. The bows just turn up in December and disappear just after New Year. I imagine the owner to be a very neat and orderly person. Probably drives a Tesla and has neither a cat or dog because pet hair bothers them. I’d also hazard a guess that if I looked in the window I’d see some other kind of disturbing display straight out of a Home Beautiful magazine – thinking lemons in a vase on the kitchen bench or some Birds of Paradise in a tall vase on the entry side table. That sort of thing and Im betting no one in that household ever farts. People with big red bows on their front doors definitely do not fart. I’ll leave you with that thought.

Heres a few pics of much loved bows of Bourke Street. Oh if you are the owner or happen to know the owner please get in touch with us. We’d love to know if you have lemons in a bowl on the kitchen bench.

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