SHIT SHOW Ahh Bondi. The land of influencers, pilates instructors and…poo joggers?

BY: Kartya Vucetic

There are very few things one can rely on in this life. But if there’s one thing that we can count on, it’s that this country will consistently and reliably push out a poo jogger scandal once every three years. To the date. Without fail.
And like clockwork, here we are again. After the Pyrmont Bottle-O and Roxy Jacenko Paddington poo jogging scandals of the early 2020’s, we’re back again with a new shit show. This time, it’s not who, but more importantly, where.
It appears Sydney’s eastern suburbs is once again in the limelight, with one woman taking to TikTok this week to ask one pressing question.
‘Why are there so many shitters in Bondi?’
You heard that right, Julia Sakr came online to discuss the rampage of human shitting she’s been noticing around her local area. How does she know it’s human, you wonder? It’s the only time her two samoyed dogs supposedly make a ‘bee line to it’, and start eating like it’s a ‘delicacy’.
*Screams*.
Adding to the conversation, Sakr noted that the public poos always happened to be conveniently located in ergonomic locations – such as gutters, for instance. She suspected the culprits were morning joggers who were stuck for options and had developed the sudden urge to go.
And while ‘poo jogging’ isn’t necessarily a groundbreaking concept in a run-club-obsessed city like Sydney, NSW nevertheless classifies public defecation as offensive conduct. One can cop a fine as hefty as $660, or even go to jail for three months.
So then, why do people do this?
There’s supposedly a number of reasons why someone may partake in this rather peculiar behaviour. After the Brisbane poo jogger mystery, which was later revealed to be 64-year old, corporate big dog, Andrew Douglas Macintosh, it’s common for people to assume that poo jogging is solely reserved for the literal insane.
Image: Andrew Macintosh caught in the act by one of his Brisbane neighbours
Clinical psychologist Grant Brecht has gone so far to say that the act can have an adrenalin rush similar to taking a “hit of heroin”. In other words, it’s the danger that literally gets people going.
Fortunately, however, it’s rarely for that exciting a reason. What’s more commonly the case is old mate training for that half mara developing the sudden urge to go. 10km from home at 6am in the morning with no public toilet around you? Alas, it’s a fated ending. What’s more, is that 30% to 50% of endurance athletes reportedly have gut issues. SMH states that this might be upwards of 70% for long distance runners. In short, it’s a recipe for disaster from the get go.
Now, I’m not saying that this is a faultless (or victimless) crime. And I’m sure there’s a code of conduct that needs to be implemented when it comes to these types of predicaments. But claims to a grand poo jogging scheme designed to deface the ‘burbs?
I call bullshit.