RECAP TIME MAFS proved to us tonight once again that people can be, in fact, that fucking dumb
BY: Tahlia Pritchard
Just when you thought MAFS was likely to hit Final Vows and be over soon, the sneaky experts have thrown in one last challenge to test our weary couples, as though they haven’t been through enough being paid around $150 a day to film for 12 hours straight.
For the first time ever, the show introduced the ‘Is The Grass Always Greener?’ challenge, as a way to test the strength of the couples by dangling the carrot of being able to meet up with another compatible match. You know, just as you would if you were married. Go on a date with another person.
Firstly, before we dive into tonight’s episode and who grabbed that carrot with both hands, I want to shout out Jacqui for giving us another absolute clanger of a line when she was upset about where things were left with Ryan after the commitment ceremony.
Likening her extensive feedback of Ryan as “renovating the home because she wanted to live there in the future”, Jacqui said she realises now that Ryan is “just a chair” and she was trying to get him to be a door, but “the chair needs comforting right now.”
Where did they find this woman? The producers need a pay rise.
OK, let’s dive into the final test week and who passed and who failed.
The funniest part is the experts sitting down to talk about The Grass Is Greener challenge like it’s completely ethical, normal and as if they were the ones to match everyone up in the first place.
“As you know, the matchmaking process is extensive and thorough,” they brag, ignoring the fact that they’ve more or less just matched up people who have already dated this season.Can’t be that thorough!
Jeff and Rhi
Anyway, speaking of people who have already dated, Jeff and Rhi both say a firm no the challenge and go back to their respective book and gameboy situation. For context, the couples are separated when they find out what the challenge is, so they can’t be swayed by what their spouse is going to do. Jeff and Rhi are clearly over this shit and ready to go act like normal people in their mid-late 30s and get on with their lives.
Teejay and Beth
Teejay and Beth obviously go meet their other matches, because their relationship is as interesting as watching paint dry.
Teejay is matched up with Tara, who is looking for an Aries man who is ethnic. Guess what Teejay is? An ethnic Aries man!
Teejay seems to like Tara because she strokes his ego. Meanwhile Beth is matched up with an Irish lad who has struck out with Aussie girls because he says their banter isn’t good enough and he needs someone to pay him out. He looks like the kind of guy who would probably not take a joke if you pay him out too hard, and go punch a wall. Kinda like Paul.
The saddest part is Beth is hoping that Teejay is about to have some sort of miraculous realisation that he’s actually into her after his date. “I was trying to get rid of some head noise and see if that pushed me to or from you, and it just left me neutral to be pretty honest with you,” he later tells her. I swear to god Beth, it’s time you leave this man.
If I have to watch these two do Final Vows, I will scoop my own eyeballs out with a hot spoon.
Paul and Carina
Carina sees the task as emotional cheating, but unfortunately for her Paul is just a CURIOUS man, which he manages to mention 217 times this episode, and his curiosity leads him to meeting Hannah.
The date is immediately awkward, as the two try to bond over how good being outdoors is, while Carina is busy folding Paul’s undies for him and confident that Paul is just locked up in another apartment and definitely not on a date with someone else.
Hannah seems to (rightfully) think that Paul has met up with her because it hasn’t worked out with his wife, to which he backtracks massively and tells her that things are GREAT at home and he’s very happy and fulfilled! He is so fulfilled, he needs to go on a date with a stranger just to satisfy his “curiosity” because, you know, he’s just super curious. That’s just who he is as a person!
Hannah leaves with some truthful words in her confessional. “I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone as curious as Paul,” she says, as Paul curiously inspects the grapes with a smirk on his face. Too right, sis.
What’s that saying about a curious cat again? Oh yeah, that.
Back at home, shit hits the fan with Paul and Carina
Paul’s had a GREAT time because meeting Hannah has quietened his curious mind and made him realise Carina is 100% the right person for him. Acting as though he was just conscripted to a war and barely made it out alive, a producer helpfully points out to Paul that he didn’t actually have to go on the date. “Like I said, my stupid curiosity has not been good,” he cheerfully says.
Paul gets back to his place with Carina all out of breath and happy to see her and goes on a big rant about how he wanted to run away from the date as soon as he got there, and how the girl was a joke, as well as saying “ew” when describing Hannah. “As soon as I met her, physically, what the hell,” he says to Carina. Lol, is she out of your calibre, Paul?
Again. This man was not forced to meet Hannah, nor did she do anything wrong by him.
Meanwhile Carina’s stuck with some manic smile on her face as she starts to process what Paul is saying. He’s gone out, had a cheese board, stuffed his face with grapes, while she’s been sitting at home folding his undies. Now this man is explaining the task and the letter task to her in a breathless rush as though she didn’t read the same letter.
Carina rightfully calls Paul and idiot about 75 times, as she storms out of the apartment, all while a producer ducks for cover.
The two take their fight out to the hallway, as Carina yells at Paul about the fact he should know her morals and then tells him that they’re over.
“Nothing happened, babe,” Paul woefully yells. Bet that’s not the first time he’s used that one.
Until tomorrow!
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