IDIOT OF THE WEEK Sydney’s train network: held together by tape, hope, and apparently just one cable
BY: Kartya Vucetic
Look, Sydney’s train network barely functions on a good day. Between signal failures, surprise strikes, and the eternal mystery of why there’s always trackwork on long weekends. But this morning, someone really outdid themselves.
In an act of what can only be described as industrial-grade stupidity, an unidentified person (who we shall now refer to as the ‘Cable Guy’) took a blade to fibre-optic signal cables near Guildford, grinding several lines (T2, T3, and T5) to a halt. Because nothing says “productive evening” like vandalising public infrastructure.
One man with wire cutters really shouldn’t have this much power | Image: The Cable Guy
Transport Minister John Graham called the culprit an “idiot,” which frankly, is being kind. As a result, thousands of commuters were left stranded or herded onto replacement buses. Because after all, what’s a Friday morning without a bit of chaos and group trauma?
No arrests yet, but whoever did it now sits comfortably alongside the people who brought you peak-hour trackwork, ghost trains that never show, and that one guard who shuts the doors as you’re sprinting up the platform. Honestly, if Sydney commuters get their hands on them first, good luck to the police.
Congratulations. You’ve made the worst train system in the country slightly worse. That takes real effort.
