THE SO SYDNEY! GUIDE TO... How not to be a dickhead at the beach this summer

With the first real whiff of summer in the air, Sydney beaches are once again becoming battlefields. Towels overlapping, cabanas colonising entire postcodes, and Bluetooth speakers blaring Fisher at 9am. It’s chaos. Beautiful, sunburnt chaos.

So, to mark the start of the season (and the great towel vs cabana war of 2025), here’s a gentle refresher on how not to be a total menace this summer.

DO: Turn up early, but not psycho early.

Apparently, over half of Aussies are already hitting the beach by midmorning to “secure their spot.” Which is fine. Just maybe don’t be the person setting up a 12-person fortress before sunrise like you’re defending territory.

DON’T: Blast your speaker like you’re on mainstage.

Yes, your Spotify Wrapped is coming. No, we don’t need a preview. 26% of beachgoers say loud music is their biggest pet peeve. The other 74% just can’t find the energy to fight you about it.

DO: Keep your setup minimal.

A towel, sunscreen and mild humility are all you need. If your beach rig involves shade sails, inflatables, and a folding table, congratulations: you’ve built a pop-up Westfield.

DON’T: Shake your towel in someone’s face.

It’s 2025, and somehow 43% of Australians are still doing this. The beach equivalent of coughing in someone’s food.

DO: Remember, towels are the hill we die on.

According to new stats, 10% of Aussies say a blocked beach view is their biggest gripe. Which brings us neatly to Country Road’s Towel Takeover happening at Balmoral on Saturday 15 November: 100 free towels, no cabanas, no stress. Finally, a patch of sand that doesn’t look like the set of Survivor.

DON’T: Pretend you’re “saving” towels for six invisible mates.

You’re alone, and that’s okay.

This summer, let’s bring back the basics: a towel, a cold drink, and the ability to exist in public without being insufferable. Simple, right?