Lactose intolerance, binge drinking and running your debit card dry are all on the cards for this weekend in Sydney

Hiii, it’s me again. Did you miss me? Fret not petal, because I’ve put together the best recs in town for this weekend.

Call me crazy, but with the reopening of Chinese Laundry, it feels like we’re slowly being drip-fed hope when it comes to Sydney’s weekend nightlife. There’s a ton of great live music happening over the weekend—triple headliners at The Abercrombie and an exclusive show by TKAY Maidza at Volume Festival, to name a few.

My pick of the week? For sure, it’s the arrival of the Fashion Thrift Society in town. With tax refunds on the way, consider this your sign to sneak in some (or a lot of) retail therapy.

Enough from me, here are the best things happening in Sydney this weekend.

Bastille Festival @ Circular Quay

Image: supplied: BBR Agency

Forget the dickheads already posting about their Euro summer this month. Why spend all that money when you can get a taste of France here? Look, it might not be exactly the same, but we’re all here for living in a little delusion. This month marks the return of the Bastille Festival at Circular Quay. We could talk to you about all the masterclasses and ticketed events happening during the program, but we’d be lying if we said we weren’t just going for the market food. You’ll get enough of a raclette and crepe fix to see you through until next year.

When: Thursday 11 July to Sunday 14 July
Where: Circular Quay
How much: Free to attend
Check it out here.

Glossier Australia Launch

Cult beauty brand Glossier is officially launching nationwide on July 16, but MECCA’s giving us a little sneak peek beforehand for all who are impatient. The George St flagship store will be opening its doors on Friday to host an exclusive and nation-first shopping experience of the range. In classic Glossier style, there’ll be photobooths and, more importantly, free perfume samples to snap up.

When: Friday 12 July, from 9.30am
Where: MECCA George St
How much: Free to attend
Check it out here.

Club Mute Launch @ Carousel

Image: Instagram @club.mute

It’s about bloody time Sydney scored a consistently good house/techno Friday night event, and it appears our prayers have finally been answered. Carousel is launching their new Friday night offering, Club Mute, which starts this month. Bondi Lines is describing it as a cross between SASH and Lost Sundays, so expect it to be good (and busy) from the get-go. Side note: Jaden Thompson, Jordan Brando, and Luke Alessi will all be playing opening night. If you don’t know, that’s an insane lineup.

When: Friday 12 July, from 10pm
Where: Carousel Bar & Ballroom
How much: $28
Check it out here.

TKAY Maidza at Volume Festival

Image: Dana Trippe

Kicking off the second week of The Art Gallery of NSW’s Volume Festival is none other than TKAY Maidza, an LA-based singer-songwriter and rapper who’s collabed with the likes of Dua Lipa and Lizzo. If you don’t already know her, you might just be a lost cause. The Zimbabwean-born Aussie is headlining for one night before returning to the US, expect tickets to sell out.

When: Saturday 13 July, from 6pm
Where: The Art Gallery of NSW
How much: From $70
Check it out here.

Finer Things @ The Abercrombie

It’s an uncertain world we live in, but if there’s one thing we know for sure, it’s that The Abercrombie almost always delivers when it comes to actually good music. This Saturday they’re hosting their Finer Things event with not one, not two, but three headliners. Cotto, Dayzzi, and Love Affair will all be taking to the decks to serve up some of the best UK Garage and techno in town.

When: Saturday 13 July, from 10pm
Where: The Abercrombie
How much: $26
Check it out here.

Fashion Thrift Society

Image: Fashion Thrift Society via facebook

Attention all fashion guys and girlies, Fashion Thrift Society is coming to town this month to serve up all the preloved and vintage goodies you can think of. It’s also officially Australia’s biggest fashion market, so you can expect a fight-to-the-death kind of arrangement over those y2k Coach handbags that you used to judge your mum for owning.

When: Saturday 13 July, from 10am
Where: Jenko Pavilion, Sydney Showground
How much: From $5
Check it out here.

Incognito Art Show

If you’re looking to get your art and culture fix this weekend, look no further than the Incognito Art Show. The Paddington pop up will run this Saturday and Sunday only, and will featuring a diverse collection of donated artworks, ranging from total bloody amateurs to experienced pros. Whether you’re in need of a re-deco, currently staring at your blank wall, or have recently realised you just have terrible fucking taste, do yourself a favour and check out what’s up for grabs.

When: Saturday 13 and Sunday 14 July
Where: 410 Oxford St, Paddington
How Much: Varies.
Check it out here.

$15 Marg Month @ Salty’s Bondi

Image: Salty’s Bondi via instagram @saltysbondi

Last time I checked, it wasn’t a crime to be basic, and thank god for that, because Salty’s is exactly where I’ll be having every post-work drink this month. The Bondi institution will be serving up $15 margaritas every day, all day, for all of July. Excellent choice for those planning to make their weekly Saturday migration to Beach Road.

When: All of July
Where: Salty’s Bondi
How much: $15 margs
Check it out here.

Bernie Dieter’s Club Kabarett

Image: Bernie Dieter via instagram @berniedieter

It’s official, Bernie Dieter is back to hosting her opulent eastern Berlin kabarett at the Sydney Spiegeltent. Think debauchery, theatrics, and circus acts all in one show. It feels as if cabaret has suddenly become trendy again this year, and we’ll be the first to admit that we’re here for it. Besides, I’ve personally always wanted to see a hair-hanger. This one’s not for your weak-stomached mates.

When: Until Sunday 28 July
Where: The Entertainment Quarter
How much: From $50
Check it out here.

Laozi’s Furnace @ White Rabbit Gallery

Our favourite (and free) Chippendale gallery is back this month with its new installation, Laozi’s Furnace. Artists featured in the exhibition explore Tang Dynasty alchemists and their quest for immortality, applying these principles and artistic techniques to a modern-day environment. Definitely a strong rainy-day option.