PUFF PIECE

Do cruises deserve a bad wrap? Should you try one out? I went on Utopia of the Seas to see for myself.

Earlier this month, Royal Caribbean hosted me (and my mum, lol) on their newest ship, Utopia of the Seas. The all-expenses-paid and rather generous trip all came in celebration of the boat’s inaugural sail from Florida. Like I’ve said before, my job really is the bees fucking knees.

Now before we proceed, you should know that this is 100% a puff piece. Paid plug? No, but I’m definitely a fan of Royal Caribbean right now. After all, they did give me a free trip (and a pair of Crocs, for that matter).

While I was personally surprised to score an invite to the media trip, there were also aspects that made some sense. When it comes to cruising, I’m ashamed to admit that I haven’t exactly fallen off the turnip truck. In fact, if I were to guess how many I’d been on in my lifetime, I’d have to say that there’s probably more than two hands of counting involved.

You see, I come from a family of cruisers. Ever since the age of ten, my parents would drag my brother and me aboard any and every ship passing through the harbour. Looking back, I’m certain it’s because there was no phone reception to get in contact with them once they dropped us off at kids club each morning. Clever parents.

What’s more surprising, however, is that even into adulthood, this bizarre, once-a-year family tradition has lived on. I think it’s partly for nostalgic reasons, and mostly because we all live separately now. Whatever the reason is, and as embarrassed as I am to admit it, I will die on the hill of the three-night family cruise getaway. As a 25-year old with some semblance of a friendship group, admitting that is basically social suicide.

As far as reviews go, I have to give credit where it’s due and say that the new Utopia of the Seas ship is nothing like I’ve ever been on before. The scale of the ship and entire operation is something to truly marvel at. Royal Caribbean have spent just short of AUD$2 billion to build the boat, which is now the second-largest in the world. It has over 40 dining options, 20 bars, 5 pools and a privately owned island the ship visits.

But do you know what’s most ironic about all of this?

When I really sat down and thought about why I enjoyed the boat so much, none of these made the top factors. In fact, all the money splashed onto the boat had nothing to do with why I enjoyed the cruise, or any cruise beforehand. The real reason was that it gave me an opportunity to completely and totally switch off.

I didn’t have to plan a holiday itinerary, didn’t have to research where to go for dinner, and didn’t have internet for people to get ahold of me. It was the ultimate lazy girl holiday for people with decision fatigue. And I think a lot of us feel that way right now. Perhaps a mindless weekend away is exactly what the doctor is ordering?

Utopia of the Seas won’t be coming to Australia anytime soon, and I don’t think its fiscally responsible to fly out to the US for a three-night weekender cruise. But the essence of Utopia of the Seas can be equally found in cruises leaving Sydney. And what surprises many is how generally affordable they are.

Three-night sampler cruises from Royal Caribbean start at around AUD$650 per person. Other lines, like P&O, often do last minute deals, like this one for $448, or the three-night Carnival cruise for $385. This covers all accommodation, food and entertainment onboard for the duration of the trip. Tell me you can find a decent getaway costing less than $130 and within a 2-hour drive from Sydney and I’ll be quiet.

In other words, that whole economies of scale thing you learned in year 12 economics really starts to add up.

And if you’re still unconvinced, or scared you’ll be trapped on a floating petri dish, that’s absolutely fine. Nothing is ever designed to be for everyone. All I will say, however, is that I’ve always found it’s the people who haven’t tried cruising who are the first to pass judgment on them. Perhaps this is your sign to give it a crack?