MAFS confirms a direct link between lunar eclipses and calling your spouse Satan on national television

In what can only be described as deeply unfortunate timing, tonight’s MAFS episode collided directly with a full moon, a total lunar eclipse and the start of a Mercury retrograde.

And according to absolutely no one credible, that explains everything.

Viewers were left stunned this evening as Juliette launched into a full-volume spiritual awakening, accusing her husband Joel of possessing ‘devil eyes’ and refusing to look at him mid-argument. The outburst, perhaps more closely resembling the intensity of a medieval exorcism, occurred just hours before a Virgo full moon is scheduled to slip into total eclipse at 10:37pm.

Coincidence? I think not

The eclipse, rising in meticulous Virgo and opposing a heavy Pisces stellium, has reportedly created what experts describe as a ‘cosmic tug-of-war’. Virgo wants refinement and control. Pisces wants emotion, intuition and perhaps, in rare cases, spiritual warfare in a Green Square apartment.

While scientists have yet to confirm a direct link between lunar eclipses and calling your spouse Satan on national television, MAFS viewers are already bracing for further cosmic interference as Mercury continues its backwards crawl.