RECAP TIME We’re getting to the pointy end of MAFS and the latest dinner party was a hot mess, darling
BY: Tahlia Pritchard
Welcome to tonight’s dinner party recap, which was pretty much an hour and a half of our two weakest couples feuding.
Emotionally weak that is, not physically. I personally would not take Beth on in a fight, and I think she’d win in a wrestling match with Ryan. But that’s not the point.
If you’re thinking of catching yourself up by watching the show as WELL as reading this recap, then just note the dinner party doesn’t start for at least 20 minutes in. There’s a whole lot of rehashing of everyone’s storyline before that. A handy tip from us, to you.
But without further ado, here’s a recap of the two big feuds from tonight’s dinner party.
Jacqui Vs Ryan
Hilariously, Jacqui tells the group before Ryan gets there that she and Ryan had a “wonderful” time in Manly, which we all know is blatantly untrue. She is also very content she’s done nothing wrong, and is ready for an apology from Ryan because she has nothing to apologise for.
To be fair, they both have a lot to apologise for, but as the night starts, I’m Team Jacqui only because she dropped the funniest line of the season comparing Ryan’s lifestyle to “the elderly” and for that, she should be absolved of most of her sins.
The man Jacqui wishes she married, Jeff, starts getting confused when Jacqui brings up her infamous letter that she wrote to Ryan during Feedback Week. Jacqui insisted she never said things like “Ryan can’t provide for a family” while Jeff was like, well actually ma’am, you did write that.
Ryan says Jacqui wants him to apologise for being alive but he doesn’t have to apologise for anything, actually. Not even his weird little trinkets in his house.
“Ryan is not going to get away from me at the dinner party,” Jacqui threatens. “I’m going to be pulling that man aside and I’m going to teach him a lesson.” My god this is going to be a good night.
Instead, Jeff decides to step in and force the two to address their conflict at the table and for the cameras. Jeff knows a show needs to be made here! Thank god!! Hire him as a producer next season.
Ryan decides it’s the perfect time to bring up the couple’s biggest issue: not the fact they’re wildly incompatible, toxic AF to each other, and a lesson in what Not To Do. He needs to bring up that Jacqui hates his beard.
“It’s his body, his choice,” Adrian yells out. You cannot even CONVINCE me that this man believes that about women, but when it comes to a man’s beard being threatened, let’s start a protest.
Everyone is confused by Jacqui and Ryan telling wildly different stories about their homestays, from Jacqui telling Ryan how to raise his dog, to Ryan’s friend allegedly standing up and yelling at Jacqui.
Here’s a quick lesson for you all: there’s Ryan’s version, there’s Jacqui’s version, and we can only assume somewhere in the middle lies the truth! There’s no winners here! Certainly not any of us who have now endured this messy, messy couple for way too many weeks.
Jeff comes in blazing, calling out Jacqui’s lies about her letter and Ryan’s financial capabilities, and everyone gets into an argument about semantics. Meanwhile, Adrian looks up what semantics means in the dictionary.
OK let’s take a break and enjoy a nice dinner, shall we?
Beth Vs Teejay
Just kidding. Time to tackle the next drama.
Firstly, can we shout out Beth’s revenge dress. She’s giving Ariana after Scandavol (for my VPR fans out there) and I love it.
Teejay is officially backed into a corner after his actions at homestay (sleeping with Beth before homestays, going to homestays, then saying he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with Beth, aka big Fuckboi move) and Beth calls out Teejay in front of everyone for hurting her. Unfortunately, Beth, who has never been in a relationship, has just gotten a very harsh but accurate lesson in what it’s like to date Aussie men.
Teejay tried to say he was in his own head about intimacy and he tried to initiate it because “that’s what Beth wanted”. He also says there are parts of him that want to “try” (like his dick) but he hasn’t developed “stronger feelings” in the last fortnight (presumedly in his other head, not his dick).
“Friends don’t have sex,” Jeff says wisely, when Teejay says he’s still trying to work out if it’s a relationship or friendship. Unless you’re Jeff and Rhi dating the first time I guess. That appeared to be fairly platonic sex.
Beth eventually cracks it and asks “Why are you still here?” to which Teejay says, “Well it’s the dinner party”, and when Beth responds with a frustrated “Oh, fuck me” Teejay calls her out for being petty. As if he didn’t give the most petty response to her question.
Jamie makes a fun game out of taking a sip every time Teejay says “darling” and everyone ends up passed out, including the experts. The episode ends.
JUST KIDDING. NOT YET!
Beth goes and sits on the sex lounge where Jessika Power once tried to hit on Nic Jovanovic many innocent years ago, and Teejay follows her to continue giving her literally zero answers as to what their future holds. Somehow he convinces her things are on the up (everything but his dick that is).
“He didn’t sit there and say I’m writing leave and that’s a positive sign,” Beth says.
Oh, darling.
Jacqui Vs Ryan 2.0
Jacqui manages to drag Ryan out for a private chat now that she realises he’s serious about them being over, while Awhina pops off at Teejay in the background. Get him, queen!
Jacqui cries talking about Ryan’s friends being a bad experience for her, and tells Ryan she’s doing him a favour by giving him the opportunity to work on things. “Why don’t you want to be someone great?” she asks him woefully, as the experts gasp and groan like it’s the worst thing they’ve ever heard on this show. Remember when Paul punched a wall, guys? Lol. That was only a couple of weeks ago.
A fed-up Ryan takes Jacqui’s hand and tells her that he loves himself and he’s confident in himself and it’s okay if she doesn’t like him, because he won’t change for no woman. “I have an amazing life and your influence on it at the moment is destructive, because you’re trying to change it. That’s not what a relationship is,” Ryan quite rightfully says.
“You’re the Adam, I’m the Eve, I was brought here to you,” Jacqui bizarrely tells Ryan after saying she was everything he asked for.
Oh my god, these two give me so much whiplash. I can’t pick a side. Weirdly, I think they should be together, forever.
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