CHECK IN Welcome to Green Square move-in day, where MAFS relationships go to die
BY: Kartya Vucetic
They say a picture says a thousand words. In this case, how about 29?
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. With the first round of MAFS marriages now officially locked in and the honeymoons wrapped, it’s time for this season’s unlucky lovebirds to move into the well-worn, deeply unromantic Green Square apartments. You can practically feel the joy radiating from them as they embark on what may well become one of the most publicly scrutinised and emotionally destabilising experiences of their lives.
For the next eight weeks, give or take, these newlyweds will be subjected to extended filming hours, early curfews, and the rare privilege of living in close quarters with a complete stranger who, based on historical evidence, is statistically very likely to ruin their mental health.
Here’s what went down, according to the photos.
Chris and Brooke
Kicking things off with our least favourite couple, Chris and Brooke. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ll know these two made headlines this week for all the wrong reasons.
First, Chris was quoted on national television saying “fat people, no go”. A truly bold choice. Then, over the weekend, rumours emerged that Brooke has since dumped him and is now allegedly back with her ex, possibly pregnant. Honestly, good for her.
Either way, these photos, taken back in August, show a couple doing their absolute best to tolerate each other after knowing one another for approximately seven business days. I give it three weeks before shit hits the fan, but that’s just my professional opinion.
Ahh, the look of love 
No but seriously these two are trying SO hard to not look entirely miserable 
Same girl, same
Grayson and Julia
Our newest couple, Grayson and Julia, might actually be the first normal people ever cast on this show. And by normal, I mean displaying a basic level of self-awareness and personal decency. The bar is in hell, but here we are.
I won’t lie, I’m already a fan. Grayson leaning fully into his inner himbo with an I Am Gia matching trackie set is inspired. Julia is matching his energy, his coolness, and seemingly his emotional stability. They’re also taking their first grocery shop seriously, which I respect deeply in this economy.
These two will be our fashion icons of the season, I’m calling it now 
I can’t explain it but they’re both just…cool 
Some very serious Woolworths shopping at hand
Bec and Danny
And just like that, I’m mad again.
Bec and Danny have managed to become irritating at record speed, which is genuinely impressive considering they’ve known each other for less than a week. I’m not even sure how they’ve found the time to create drama this early, but props I guess.
Unlike other couples who stock up on essentials like bread, milk and cereal, these two opted for wine and flowers. A strong indication that nobody here is thinking more than two days ahead. And yes, that’s Bec talking to a producer at the end. Things are clearly going very well.
“Forget the eggs babe we won’t be here that long” I imagine was something said 
If you can’t tell, I don’t think Bec likes us very much either 
“How long do I have to be stuck in this room with him?” Once again, a total hypothetical
David and Alyssa
I’ll admit it, I was a fence sitter with these two at first. Their wedding was, frankly, insane. But for now, they’re staying in my good books.
Despite the initial chaos, they’ve largely flown under the radar this week, which in MAFS terms is a genuine achievement. Also, Alyssa has excellent hair, and I believe that deserves recognition.
They’re kind of cute 
Matching trackies appears to now be a ‘stage’ in relationships 
Another light grocery shop! I’m not reading too much into this one
Luke and Mel
The fact that we can’t even get Luke and Mel in the same photograph really says it all.
Luke is focused on a pot plant. Mel is focused on a KitKat. Worse still, Luke’s plant, possibly intended as an olive branch or a thoughtful décor choice, already looks sad and on the brink of death. A perfect metaphor for the relationship.
Mel, meanwhile, is absolutely not having a bar of it. She is, however, very invested in her chocolate bar, which currently appears to be her main priority. I will never understand people who act coy in front of the camera after voluntarily signing up for the biggest reality TV show in the country. Come on, Mel.
Poor dear Luke and his pot plant 
Babe those flowers are foreshadowing big time 
Mel hasn’t found her blue boy 
She has, however, found a KitKat 
Come on Mel!
Stella and Filip
Joining the experiment after last night’s episode are Stella and Filip. Despite her friends being wildly out of line at the reception, I actually think these two make a surprising amount of sense.
Time will tell whether they can survive external interference, but for now, I’m cautiously optimistic.
Cute and maybe slightly boring 
I really hope the friends don’t ruin this one 
Yes they seem sweet
Gia and Scott
Last, but absolutely not least, our most chaotic, problematic, and frankly iconic couple of the season: Gia and Scott.
These two are a living, breathing reminder of why MAFS remains so compelling. The North Face puffer. The activewear. The crimped hair. The case of Moscato. It’s so aggressively Gold Coast that it borders on performance art.
Honestly, I think they’re perfect for each other. And yes, they may or may not have stolen that grocery trolley.
I’m so fucking here for these two 
I think they should each find bigger sunglasses 
Mel won’t talk to Luke but apparently she will talk to Gia 
I want them to have a baby and I want them to call it Krystal
